Today I needed to send out a letter to the military, advising them how to solve our (many) problems. I’m attaching it, below:
To: Whomever it may Concern
From: Res. First Sergeant Itai Rosenbaum
Re: Tactical Rethinking
Dear Sir or Madam*,
I have been thinking about the Israeli military problem and I believe I have a solution.It first came to me while reading some recent issues of X-Men. I think there are several striking similarities between the people of Israel and the X-Men. Both are a minority surrounded by enemies who hate them, and both are waiting around for a messiah to show up (of course, in the X-Men’s case – the messiah is an 18 year old named Hope who may or may not be a resurrected Jean Gray and escaped to the year 3000 A.D., but that’s beside the point).
Anyways, in order to deal with the problem of people who are intolerant to his people – Cyclops, leader of the X-Men moves to San Francisco, where people are known to be tolerant. That doesn’t work so he resurfaces Asteroid M, and founds a mutant nation floating in the middle of the ocean. We should totally do that.
There is no need to find an old mutant citadel lying at the bottom of the ocean, we could just saw off our country and with a single push – set the entire country adrift. Like Cyclops, we could ally ourselves with the Atlanteans, and become the first drifting-island nation in the world. I think it would absolutely work and solve all our problems. Aside from the obvious military solution – we won’t have a water problem anymore – we’ll be surrounded by it!
I hope you take this into consideration next time you have a talk about these things.
* Let’s be honest, this is the Israeli Military we’re talking about – there is no way they’d let a woman be in a high enough position to make this kind of call…
Tomorrow: Middle Finger Day